I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
