Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
