I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize