she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
