Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
did you just send me my own nude
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
