so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
