Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize