we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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