woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
