we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
