I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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