hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
