I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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