Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
