I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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