is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
