So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
