not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
