Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My dick has a subreddit
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
