my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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