Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
