____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
