My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
