So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
