So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
