How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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