he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
