can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Don't make out with my wife yet
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Randomize
