Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
