every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
