I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
