Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize