it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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