You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
