So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
