Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Congratulations! We have a period
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
