i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
