shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
