party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize