guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
