Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
