1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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