I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
