she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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