i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
