his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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