I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
