Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
