There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he puts the penis in happiness.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
