yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
organizing the empties. That sober.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
