Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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