I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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