Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
