addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
