Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
