so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize