my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
