Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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