I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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