We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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