Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
