One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
