____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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