I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
