No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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