my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize