you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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