Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
