If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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