Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
