Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
