I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
oh god the rape fog is back!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's never too late to be topless.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
