Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize