nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
