I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize