How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
