I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just high enough for therapy.
Sorry about my life...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
