Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
