Apparently you make a good broom.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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